I wait.

I wait.

Dear Lord, Thy ways

Are past finding out,

Thy love too high.

O hold me still

Beneath Thy shadow.

It is enough that Thou

Lift up the light

Of Thy countenance.

I wait

Because I am commanded

So to do. My mind

Is filled with wonderings.

My soul asks "Why?"

But then the quiet word,

"Wait thou only

Upon God."

And so, not even for the light

To show a step ahead,

But for Thee, dear Lord,

I wait.

What does it take to Love?

Love: Appreciation, Devotion, Passion, Joy, Adore, Sweet, Glorify, Embrace, Enchantment

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Recently I have been really trying to define what it means to love someone? to show love to someone? to be loved? This all started when Wes challenged us (the Young Adult community) to be intentionally loving for three months. Has it been easy? No, even though I thought it would. I forget all the time or I did it because I wanted to find some sort of gratification from it. It is hard to love people when you are broken or hurt or just being selfish.When you put yourself aside and begin to look at the people around you, it's amazing and devastating at the same time, you either see so much love or you see nothing!
God has began to show me how much he loves me and others by opening my eyes to see the people that surround me and love me no matter what I do or say. On the flip side he has shone a light on people and situations where I need to love, to show His love to them just as he has shown me. Through this realization I have been able to love people I have never met, people that are dear to me and people that have hurt me. Does it make loving easier? Yes!!!!

When you take YOU out of the equation that leaves God.

I look back on situations I have gone through in the last couple of years and realize that the only way I came out alive was because I had people intentionally loving on me. I am so thankful for those people that have hung in there and put up with all my crap even when it took a toll on them. That love that made them fight for me when I was to weak to fight for myself is the reflection of Gods love for us. When we do this we answer Gods call on our lives when love each other no matter what and we do it best when we are in Community.

Gods first command to us was to Love:
1 John 4:19 " We love because He first loved us"

He never gives up on us. He never runs out of love for us. He never forgets to love us. He never loves us in a a selfish act.

He NEVER stops loving us. So we should do the same!

New Life

Why is it that when so many great things happen especially in the kingdom a few hours/days/weeks later comes the hardest trials you've ever faced? It seems like this isn't just something I am going through alone but so many others in my community are too. I feel like I take three steps forward and then two steps back!

Two weeks ago it felt like life was perfect and everything was lining up but then it came crashing down. I was angry, hurt and all kinds of emotions pumped through my body. I tried to hand it off to God but realized I never really let it go, it only started to make sense once I started to process it out loud with the people I trust and allowed them to speak truth and break off the lies. There is so much power in verbal communication, it's like that alone can break off attacks.

Last night I was exhausted and stressed out but during worship at home-group I felt like God simply said 'Focus on me'. How simple? We live in a selfish world focused on us. But really who cares about this world? What does the world hold? This life is temporary and it ultimately leads death but God promises us life and great one at that..God makes it easy...focus on me and I will take care of the rest.  Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." SO SIMPLE.
  

A home away from home

I never understood the term 'Home is where the heart is' because your heart moves from place to place and person to person. To me the word 'home' means security, love, comfort, joy, grace, acceptance, and a billion more words, so places and people can not be my home as they are constantly changing.

When I decided to move back out to California two years ago I thought  Is my home wherever my family is?, my parents living in Edinburgh, Scotland, Rebecca and Dave (my sister and brother in-law) in Sydney, Australia, and Kari (sister) in Leeds, England. My family is definitely an exception to the rule, we don't let distances get in the way. Although we are spread throughout the world we make time to skype, call and even text to make sure we are supporting and loving each other. In today's world families get ripped a part and that traditional family model is tossed out the window. My family stands strong in those traditional family values
When I went back 'home' last summer to surprise my mum for her 50th birthday I took some time to walk around on Edinburgh's beautiful cobbled streets and asked myself the big question, Am I ready to move back? I realized that this city would always be apart of who I was but it wasn't home anymore.

This is where the church comes into play, Can my home be found in friends? My church is not just a religious organization we are a community, a family who continually surrounds one another through the good, the bad and the ugly.  Anaheim Vineyard has become my family and I am constantly reminded in those times of home-sickness that I just need to open my eyes and  look around to see the blessing that my church community is to me. Being involved in Youth ministry has changed my meaning of home again, as I help co-lead with one of my best friends, a group of 6 amazing young women who are beautiful in every way, and so in love with Jesus. This small group aka jew crew has a unique bond of a sisterhood that will never be broken. These girls have impacted my life so much through laughter and tears.
God went beyond just a church family community but made me apart of one the most amazing families I've ever met the Scherer/Malkhassian/Watkins family, I'm not just an extra body in there home, I am a family member!! Being apart of  big family life events birthdays, graduations, American holidays, weddings and now their first grand-daughter. I am so thankful for what God has placed me into and without all of this I would not be the woman I am today.

Is my home in all of those things?
Over the last year I have been on a rollercoaster, there have been great times but also low times and no matter how hard I wanted to run, something kept me here. It was like someone had tied me to the state of California with invisible titanium chains. Everyday walking in what seemed like darkness but having an overwhelming sense of trust in the direction I was going, I very quickly learned that my home was wherever God is.And because God is in all those things, family, friends and church, I am home!

Sometimes in life you might not be able to see the way but if you look to him everything becomes clear...